The Post I Never Wanted to Make.

Hi guys. It's Madi. So. It's now time for my awkward but needed social media update. If we are Facebook friends you already know this. This past week had been THE WORST week of my entire life.

Let's start with last Sunday, November 3rd, my 18th birthday. My grandma (my dad's mom) had been in the hospital for a couple weeks and we knew she was gonna pass away soon. This was very depressing for me because, I had never lost anyone that close to me, and my dad hadn't in quite a while. So during the afternoon of my birthday I checked my Facebook notifications and my aunt/cousin person posted; "I am so sad to hear about the loss of my beautiful grandmother." I lost it. My dad was pissed. He was gonna tell me the next day so it wasn't my birthday. I miss her and love her dearly but she was old and now shes in heaven and has no pain and I cant wait to see her again.

Rest in Peace Grandma. I love you so much and I am so glad you are no longer in pain. I can't wait to see you again some day!! I love you!

Me and  My Grandma Lois

Fast forward to Friday, November 8th. My cousin Morgan(21) and I were finally re-connecting again and she was coming over to spend the night for the first time. We went to dinner with my dad then came home and I did her makeup and we went to pick up one of my step-brothers Zak K.(20) from work. We came back home and Morgan was about to do my makeup when all of the sudden I heard screaming, crying, and panicking coming from the hallway. I ran outside my room to see what was going on. Zak K. was crying on the ledge upstairs, my dad was running upstairs screaming "CALL THEM, CALL THEM RIGHT NOW!!" And the next thing I knew my step-mom Leslie was on the phone with 911 in a panic, hyperventilating, screaming; "HE'S NOT BREATHING! HE'S NOT BREATHING! HE'S PALE WHITE!" My step-brother Zach B. wasn't breathing and he was pale white on his bed and Zak K. had found him. I was in shock. I hugged Zak K. and said; "It's gonna be okay."; because I truly thought it would be, and sadly this time it was not. My step-sister Abby wasn't home so I casually texted her "Hey girlie! Where are you?" I called Zach's best friend ****, who I had become close friends with as well through Zach. "****! Zach isn't breathing! I'm freaking out! I need you!" I said, and he did exactly what he should and could not thank him enough. He drove 100mph to our house and got here in 3 minutes. I ran outside and hugged him so tight a paramedic said he though I was gonna pop him. We went inside and it was just a waiting game for a while. There were about a dozen cops in our house and a bunch of paramedics upstairs in his room trying to save him, I never saw Zach in that state, which I think was for the best. My step-sister Abby called her mom and said there were a lot of cops by our house, she said I know, come inside. I went outside to get her from her friends car, the volunteer Chaplin came with me. She got out of the car and asked "What's wrong? Is Zach dead?" I said I didn't know, the Chaplin said "Don't lie to her." Angerly I looked her and said " I DON'T KNOW!" We went inside to the kitchen and Abby asked Leslie; "Is Zach dead?" and Leslie replied, "Yes, he committed suicide."  I feel on the floor, sobbing, I could NOT believe my ears. My 19 year old brother was dead. I ran upstairs and hugged ****. All us kids were sobbing and somehow the parents were keeping it together. I was/am in complete shock. I still can NOT believe this happened. We did figure out he did NOT commit suicide, it was an accident. Zach had gotten in a bad car crash a few days before and was on some prescriptions for the pain. We think he might have gotten drugs from someone that day but were not for sure. Zach was not a bad kid at all! Sure he had a bad past but he was so much better. He didn't mean to kill himself, he just meant to relax and take a nap, but he never woke up. I am completely devastated as is our entire family and his friends. This is by far the most tragic thing that has ever happened to me and probably will always be. Abby has said she wishes I never had to be a part of this family so I didn't have to go through this, for my sake; but I said I am glad I met him and got to know him. Zach was such an amazing, sweet, caring, kind, and funny person and he will be missed so much! The memorial is this Friday and it is going to be so hard, not to mention my grandma's memorial is the next day. I hope I can speak at his memorial. But you know why our family is able to keep our heads up? Because we are Christians and Zach is too and we know for a fact he is in heaven and all his pain and sorrow is gone and he is finally happy again, and I am happy about that.

My FB Post about Zach:
"O my gosh. I don’t even know where to begin. As some of you may know my step-brother Zach passed way last Friday night. But he was always more than just my step-brother, he was my actual brother. I love Zach more than anything in this world! We were so close; we would stay up till 6 in the morning just talking about everything. We talked about everything, EVERYTHING! He was always there for me and vise-versa. He was so talented and kind and caring and funny. I am going to miss him so much. And there’s nothing I want more than to have him back. No one deserves to lose their brother, their best friend, their son, their nephew, ect; especially when they were only 19. This is a very hard time for our whole family, but we do know this he is happy now; he is in heaven with God; and his dog, and his friends, and his grandparents. He is finally happy again, and I am so thankful for that. Zach you were so amazing and so loved by so many and I know you are looking down on us right now and smiling. I seriously can NOT WAIT to see you again one day. I will always love you Zach and you will never ever be forgotten. R.I.P. Zach. <3"

Abby, Corrine, Zak K., Leslie, (my step)Grandmother Helen, Me and Zach B. in the back.

Zach, (Step) Grandmother Helen and I

Sadly I don't think I have any pictures of just Zach and I, which makes me want to cry. Some might think it looks like I care more about Zach then my Grandma. No. I love them both equally, as I do all my family. I knew my Grandma's life was coming to an end and she was 82; sure I was devastated and still am; but this is different because it was a shock and my poor Zach was only 19. It's hard to remember, but its true; God has a plan and everything happens for a reason and I just need to trust God.

I was either the last or the 2nd to last person to talk to Zach that day. We  just talked normally, he sat on my bed and we talked about how excited we were for Christmas, and how he liked talking to my friends and about my mum and when we were gonna go to my church, and just laughed and talked and I hugged him and told him I loved him that day and I'm so glad I got to.

People keep asking if they can do anything for me and all I ask is for prayers. Prayers that my whole family and Zach's friends would be okay. Also don't waste your life, you never know when your last day is, don't hold grudges and love someone while you can. And do NOT do drugs and help people you know that need help with that, you might regret it. 

I love you Grandma Lois and Zach, I hope y'all met up there; I'll see you again. 

<3 -Madi xoxo

**** -Zach's best friends name-blanked out