True Happiness

What is true happiness? I believe everyone has their own definition of happiness and what happiness is to them. Some people may say tea in the morning or a good run. I'll tell you mine.

Happiness to me is being truly happy in all aspects of life. My current situation, when everything is just going great. I don't need money to be happy, not at all. Some things happening in my life currently have really made me realize how important, just simply being happy, is to me. I would rather be dirt poor and happy everyday then be rich and miserable.

Here are some things that make me truly happy:
A clean room
No homework
A fresh clean car
A good shopping day
Getting lots of good feedback on a new video
Keeping up with my videos for a long period of time
The straight out of the shower clean feeling
Being on a boat
The smell in the air right before and after it rains
Cool summer nights
Compliments
A delicious meal ready right when I'm hungry
And to get a little more deep...
Being truly and completely loved my someone
A boy calling me beautiful
Someone saying I'm their world
Cuddling up with the guy I love on a rainy morning
Good morning/ good night texts

Do you know when I was truly as happy as I've ever been? When I was with the guy I loved and he loved me and we were just hanging around the house and I could sit there and truly thought we would be together forever. That is happiness; knowing I will be with the one I love forever and we will have all these amazing times together, that is bliss.

Sadly, true happiness is hard to find, and sometimes it doesn't stick. BUT that just means something much better is coming your way and you just have to keep your chin up, buttercup!

-Madi xoxo

~Everything happens for a reason~

To Move On

To move on is a complicated task. To put everything behind you, that meant the most to you, is one of the hardest things a human will have to do in their lifetime. Gathering up your broken pieces and pushing on through life. People have to decided to move on from something. This "something" could be a lot of things, a romantic relationship, a friendship, a failed relationship with a family member, a unreachable goal, the passing of a loved one, and so many more. Sadly, every soul on this earth will feel the pain of loss and having to start again without something or someone that meant so much to you. Personally, I have lost many things in my lifetime; my grandmother, my step-brother, having a non-broken family, friends along the way who have given up on our friendship, and many more. The hardest of all these is true loss, a loved one passing away. But personally I feel that this if a type of loss where you have closure. Sadly, you know there is no bringing them back, but if you're a christian like myself you know they are now happy, healthy, and you will see them again one day. This is immensely comforting. I know that even though I will no longer be able to see and talk with my grandmother or step-brother here on earth, I know they are happy and healthy in heaven, and because they believe and I believe in Jesus Christ as my savior I will get to see them again one day. With death there is closure, you know there is no going back, which is awful but at least you won't be hanging on to the threads of "maybe" or "what if". With relationship loss. whether it's a lover, a friend or a family member, I feel like we all just wanna hold on to the hope that this might be fixed one day. But we can't hold on to that hope forever. Yes, any kind of loss requires grieving time, this could be months depending on how close you were with that person and how things ended. But after some time, we have to come to the realization that they aren't coming back. It's best to tell our selves this too. One, it will help you to move on, and two if they do end up coming back, you'll be even happier! But do not tell yourself "O they'll be back, just wait." Because if they don't come back, you'll be even more upset. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and our minds will try to convince us that it will all fix it's self, because that's what we want to hear. The sad reality is sometimes things don't work out, even if everything was fine and there was no reason, sometimes things just end. And yes, sometimes we don't ever even get answers. Some people just aren't man or woman enough to think about your feelings and tell the truth. Staying hooked on one bad memory isn't healthy either. But how do we move on? When we've lost our everything, that we've put all our hope, trust, and love into, how do we begin again?

First, take your time, explain to people that you are grieving. (We are talking about relationship loss, not death.) They say it takes about half of your relationships span of time to get over someone. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Do not rush into a new relationship, don't get a rebound. Don't hurt someone else just because you are hurting. Second, leave that person(who has walked out of your life) alone. Give them time and space. I understand trying to talk to them or contact them for a bit in the beginning is obvious but sometimes people just need some breathing room. Definitely, do not stalk them! Bad! You don't want to get arrested! Don't harass their other friends either because they will tell them. Just back off for a bit. Who knows maybe they will realize that they truly made a mistake and then this break in your relationship will make you stronger as a couple or a friends(whatever applies to you). Third, talk it out. Therapy or counseling is NOT a bad thing! This can be super helpful to get an outside opinion, especially from a professional. Also find some good family and/or friends that will hear you out, and be there for you, don't overwhelm them with your problems forever and also be there for them even through your own struggles. You don't wanna lose more people through this. Forth, "out of sight, out of mind." This doesn't work wonders, but it does help. Anything that they gave you, or reminds you of them, put it away. You don't need to burn their clothes! But put that stuff in a box in the back of your closet to help you not think about. After sometime delete your pictures together from your social media and maybe even delete them? You don't want to see how good their doing without you! Or leave them so they can see how good you are without them! ;p I know deleting pictures from your phone is super hard so don't worry about doing that for a long time, just don't look at them. Fifth, focus on you! This is most important! Get back to your normal day to day life. Focus on your job, your school work, your old hobbies. Even try some new stuff! Emerse your self in distractions, distractions that you truly enjoy! Do things you didn't have time for before! Plus if they see you moving on, chances are they will probably want to talk again. People want what they can't have. But most importantly, don't dwell on the past. Everything happens for a reason. Remember that. I know it's hard to see in the middle of pain but everything will all work out for the best. "One day someone will walk into your life and make you realize why all the other ones left." God has plan. And you are never alone! Also remember it could be so much worse, others all around the world are going through things up to 100x worse then your problems, be thankful it's not worse! A personal suggestion? Get the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It's available at most bookstores. This is an amazing book! It truly has been on point with helping me through my current issues. It's simple daily devotional but it always has to do with what I'm going through, its crazy! Check it out! (no i'm not sponsored haha) It is Bible based, obviously, but is just truly over all, inspiring and super helpful and calming. I love it!

I hope this was helpful! Don't be afraid to comment or private message me on YouTube(madiheartsmakeup16) with any questions! I would be glad to talk to you all! I wish you all the best and am praying for you, yes you! I love you and remember you are beautiful and truly amazing no matter what anybody says! :) And remember we are all humans so treat other as you would want to be treated. Don't just drop people, give explanations, and just be a kind human being.

<3- Madi xoxo

I Am Broken.

I am now a broken human being. I have never felt this kind of pain. It's an ache that can't be fixed by anything.  It feels like I was a fragile porcelain doll being carefully guarded but in actuality being strung up to be left alone and then shot with a gun, and now I'm in a million pieces all over the ground, as the person I thought cared about me the most walks over my broken pieces and leaves with no real explanation and doesn't come back. And he's the one who did it. He broke me. After constantly reassuring me, it all feels like a scam. I feel used, abused and once again unwanted and useless. Everything was perfect. There were no signs. And all of the sudden out of the blue, without reason, my world is crushed. Because my world up and left. He was my world. Still is. I can't stop thinking about all this. It is affecting my whole life. I am a different person now. Shy, with terrible trust issues. All because of him. I was as happy as I've ever been with him. I lost my best friend and the love of my life and I don't know how to go on. He said he loved me, he said I was his world, he said how lucky he was to have me and he would never ever leave me. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I feel like an idiot. I put all of my hope, trust, love and effort into this relationship for nothing. I gave up everything for him and would have done anything for him. He said he wanted to have babies with me and grow old with me. Now what? How do I go on when my world abandoned me? I had my whole life planned out and now.... I can't stop crying. I have had a least a dozen panic attacks and hyperventilating fits. Does he even care? Would he care if I died? Would he regret it all? He said he didn't love me anymore. Overnight? It can't be. Was it his friends? Is it commitment issues? Is it me? .......Is he ever coming back?

I don't need a boyfriend to survive. But he wasn't just my boyfriend. He was my best friend, the love of my life, my happy place, my future husband and my future kid's dad. We've been through so much. We are perfect for each other. We are the same person. I trusted him.

"If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back They’re Yours."

I guess I have to let go. It is literally the hardest thing in the world. I want more than anything to fix this and will do anything. But how can someone who said they loved me so much, do this to me. 

What do you do when you've lost your everything? 

-Madison xoxo

**P.S. If anyone reading this knows him. Please do not harass him. You will only make it worse for me. Posting this probably wasn't a good idea anyways. All I ask is for prayers(or good thoughts) sent my way. Thank you. <3

~I will always love you.~