I Am Broken.

I am now a broken human being. I have never felt this kind of pain. It's an ache that can't be fixed by anything.  It feels like I was a fragile porcelain doll being carefully guarded but in actuality being strung up to be left alone and then shot with a gun, and now I'm in a million pieces all over the ground, as the person I thought cared about me the most walks over my broken pieces and leaves with no real explanation and doesn't come back. And he's the one who did it. He broke me. After constantly reassuring me, it all feels like a scam. I feel used, abused and once again unwanted and useless. Everything was perfect. There were no signs. And all of the sudden out of the blue, without reason, my world is crushed. Because my world up and left. He was my world. Still is. I can't stop thinking about all this. It is affecting my whole life. I am a different person now. Shy, with terrible trust issues. All because of him. I was as happy as I've ever been with him. I lost my best friend and the love of my life and I don't know how to go on. He said he loved me, he said I was his world, he said how lucky he was to have me and he would never ever leave me. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I feel like an idiot. I put all of my hope, trust, love and effort into this relationship for nothing. I gave up everything for him and would have done anything for him. He said he wanted to have babies with me and grow old with me. Now what? How do I go on when my world abandoned me? I had my whole life planned out and now.... I can't stop crying. I have had a least a dozen panic attacks and hyperventilating fits. Does he even care? Would he care if I died? Would he regret it all? He said he didn't love me anymore. Overnight? It can't be. Was it his friends? Is it commitment issues? Is it me? .......Is he ever coming back?

I don't need a boyfriend to survive. But he wasn't just my boyfriend. He was my best friend, the love of my life, my happy place, my future husband and my future kid's dad. We've been through so much. We are perfect for each other. We are the same person. I trusted him.

"If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back They’re Yours."

I guess I have to let go. It is literally the hardest thing in the world. I want more than anything to fix this and will do anything. But how can someone who said they loved me so much, do this to me. 

What do you do when you've lost your everything? 

-Madison xoxo

**P.S. If anyone reading this knows him. Please do not harass him. You will only make it worse for me. Posting this probably wasn't a good idea anyways. All I ask is for prayers(or good thoughts) sent my way. Thank you. <3

~I will always love you.~